I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the day after is always just damage control
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
