At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
