so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
