apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
