Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
