My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize