Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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