I think im going to throw up on grandma
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
