I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
