I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
