I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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