I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
