Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
