I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
