Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize