I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
