I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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