He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize