just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
