So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
