i permit you to call me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
