hotel room ftw
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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