Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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