I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize