Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
