Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Did I show you my penis last night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
