last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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