Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
