**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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