the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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