we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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