I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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