Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize