there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
