a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why do cheetos always look like penises
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
