Screwed.edu
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
