yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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