his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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