next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
