Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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