Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
