I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
