So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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