We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They have beer where we have blood.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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