why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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