I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
