He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is the high leading the old right now
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
