that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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