do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize