I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
