My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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