my phone needs a breathalizer
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
