just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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