last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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