Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
