: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
