I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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