Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
