just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
