I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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