GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
