I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize