is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
